As the calendar turns to March, my heart always feels a little heavier and slightly anxious. I often think with years passing that feeling would ease up a bit. Though, year after year, it still comes and goes with the same anxiety. This year as March 22nd approached, I really questioned within myself why 16 years later, so many emotions still surface as if it was the year it happened. The year I first faced death and really questioned my faith. March 22nd, they day my best friend died.
I think I’ve come to realize a few things about that day …
- I’ll never get over it. It is part of who makes me who I am today.
- The anniversary takes me back to a time when I really had to choose to believe heaven was real and hope was in fact eternal.
- Because of losing a best friend, I care deeply for and about my circle of friends and am often disappointed when people don’t reciprocate that same level of commitment to friendships.
- I still can’t listen to the song “The Dance” by Garth Brooks. It came on in the car on the way to her house and hearing that song immediately takes me back to sitting in the backseat wondering how this could have happened and how in the world life goes on.
- I know that time doesn’t heal all wounds, time allows you to process and gets you back on your feet, but time doesn’t heal.
- As I sat in a funeral of her cousin a few years later, Isaiah 40:31 really came to life … “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.” I don’t know how we made it through those days which turned to weeks, which turned to months and eventually into years. I know with certainty we were carried until we were able to put one foot in front of the other and walk forward and hope is the only thing that renewed my strength.
- I am sympathetic and empathetic to how others process, grieve and deal with loss in life – be it death or any type of loss, no one can tell you what is right, how long it takes or how you go forward. Only faith in Jesus can.
- I know my faith can withstand any trial, painful as it is, I know I can do it. In fact, 10 years later, I endured the same trial again and am reminded every October 10th of how far I’ve come.
- I know when the 17th anniversary comes around March 22, 2013 I will again be reminded who I am and where my strength comes from.
I guess in reality, I really am glad I’ll never get over you. That day sealed my faith and really taught me who I am.