This week in my MBA course we took personality tests, 2 classes, now 2 personalities and because I’m not a vault rememberer of things like that, I have no idea how they compare to each other. Long time ago, like probably almost 15 years ago, I took the Five Love Languages quiz and can remember all about that one. Things that are relational are the things that stick in my mind, not tested personality facts that tell you you’re the 8.7% of the population who has this combination of letters.
So, even though I’m S I N G L E knowing my love language, both what I give and what I need to receive is really helpful in any dating relationship. If you know me, this is no surprise, but my number 1 love language is quality time. This applies in all relationships in my life. (Sidenote: I struggle at a big party, especially if it is for me, because I want to have really intentional conversations with people that are quality conversations vs just quick hellos.)
If I am a once a week check in to someone in a dating situation, it will not work for me. It is a proven fact that people make time for what is important. So, I know 1) that I am not a priority and 2) there is no time in your life for me. Call it your game or tactic to “go slow” or whatever you want, if you really want to get to know someone, we are all “busy” and we all make time for what we want. So, if I am a priority, time with me will be important to you, because it is important to me. I have learned I need to express this, and without shame. If it doesn’t work now, it’s definitely not going to work in a marriage.
As I have gotten older I am realizing how much words of affirmation mean to me. Again, in all types of relationships. I believe this to be true because I have had a few years of people saying things that really attack my character from all sorts of relationships. So, I really appreciate someone who knows me, takes time to recognize the things I do well and in love helps me where I might need it. Not someone who casts their own situation on me as my fault or issues that are not mine. Also one I have learned boundaries on and where I need to draw a line in the sand of someone who continues to treat me like that.
As far as giving, I know one of my strengths to be service, hospitality is one of my spiritual gifts as well that certainly naturally translates to a love language in relationships. I also love to buy gifts for people, not large extravagant (I’ve mentioned about that means to woo me), but small and intentional that I find that really fit someone. Knowing the difference between the love language you need to receive as well as the one you give balanced against whoever you are dating or married to will solve a lot of relationship insecurities.
And, let’s be honest – everyone loves physical touch. It is likely #1 or #2 for the majority of the population.
If you’ve never done this, and if you’re S I N G L E now is the time to take it and know these things about yourself. However, if you’re married and have never taken it either, will probably teach you lots about yourself and your spouse; you should both take it! You can click here to take the quiz! There is also a book, click here for original version or here for singles edition (which I haven’t read).
|I love Calvin and Hobbes! 🙂|
In case you were wondering about the personality test,Above all else, ESTJs are logical. As they apply their logic to people, places and things, they become objective organizers and terrific managers. They pay attention to details and discipline themselves to make sure their goals are met. If you want a job done, give it to an ESTJ! They enjoy working with others and are good leaders because they communicate their plans clearly.
I am an ESTJ. And, in case I want to remember this one day….here’s how this test categorizes me, which is in fact pretty accurate. 🙂